My Husband Finally Spoke To Me. He said: “Leave Bon Jovi.”

My husband and I were very similar. He believed in things that were logical. If it was reasonable, made sense, or could be proven; then it was true. He loved science, and he made me love it too whenever he would teach me something new. He was always teaching me something, because he loved to soak up information in books, by watching endless documentaries, or just by paying attention to people when they talked. We had many discussions about religion, faith, God. Fascinating topics, really. Don and I loved to talk about stuff like that while lying in bed together. We would ponder life, death, and everything in between. Neither of us really believed in the concept of Heaven or Hell, and we didn’t see The Bible as anything more than a collection of interesting and far-fetched fables written by man many, many years ago. But we both believed in the idea of “something more.” I remember during one of our bedtime talks, Don told me: “You know, if there is a God, I think our pets have the closest access. I think they have a completely different awareness than we do. I would bet anything that Autumn is talking to Isabelle and Ginger when she meows nonstop at the ceiling. Either that, or she’s clinically insane.” Isabelle was Don’s cat, his baby, that he had for years in Florida and then brought up here to live with us when he moved in. She died at 15 years old, weak and sick. Weeks later, we adopted Autumn and Ginger, two kitten sisters. We lost Ginger to an enlarged heart at only age 3. Ever since then, Autumn stares at the ceiling in our hallway for HOURS sometimes, meowing loudly like she is talking to someone. After Don died; her meowing intensified, and her ceiling chats have gotten more and more frequent. Now this is one of those things, where, if were to tell someone about my cat who sees dead people, they might want to have me institutionalized. But all I can tell you is that it’s real, and she really does this, and it’s freaky as hell. I don’t know what I believe about some things, but I know that there are often things that just can’t be explained. And after today, I’m thinking maybe Don was right. Maybe our pets do have better access to the other side. Or maybe I need to be institutionalized. It’s still up in the air.

 Going back to science, there is this: Energy. Energy does not die. This is a fact. Energy lives forever, and we are all made up of energy. So if energy never dies but stays alive forever, what happens to us when WE die? Where does that energy go? What form does it take? Are we all just pieces of the universe floating around out there? Do we become stars? Chickens? Salt shakers? Coconut-cream pies? The ocean? (Whoever became a salt-shaker in their 2nd life must have been a real douchebag.) I don’t know. None of us know. Except for the dead people, and maybe the animals. I’m not big on religion or following a bunch of rules or going to church or using “God” to tell people how to live their lives or judge others or ANY of that. I believe in Energy. I believe in a higher power of some kind. What you call that is up to you. Some people call it God. Mother Nature. Spirits. Afterlife. Angels. The Universe. It doesnt really matter. People should believe whatever it is that helps them get through the day.

What gets me through the day right now is a hell of a lot different than it was 10 months ago, when my husband was still alive and here on Earth. Ten months ago, If someone had said to me that they were going to see a Medium, I probably would have said: “Oh. That’s nice.” Then I would go home and think to myself how that person must have lost their mind, or question how the hell anyone can fall for that kind of garbage. Actually, I probably wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Just like I never gave a second thought to the fact that I could hold or hug my husband anytime I wanted to. I could eat dinner with him, see a movie with him, be intimate with him, feel loved by him. The instant all of that was stripped from me, everything changed. Forever. I changed. First his love changed me, and then his death changed me again. Ten months ago, I never would have considered a session with a Medium. I would have laughed at it, mocked it, and put my cynical spin on it. But it’s amazing what you will do when you are faced with the harsh reality that you your husband is never again coming home. One thing I will say about religious people and those who believe in God, is that they seem to have an easier time accepting death. Think about it. If you really believed that your loved ones go to “a better place” or that it was part of some Devine Plan, (neither of which I believe to be true at all), that’s a lot more comforting of a thought than what someone like me believes; which is that nothing at all happens after we die, and that there is no reason for anything except for the reasons WE make of things, what WE do with our lives here on Earth. To me, this is it. I am open to the idea that maybe there is some sort of “life” in another form after we die, but I don’t know exactly what that is or what it means. If we all become rocks or blades of grass, what the hell kind of future is that to look forward to? Am I supposed to be excited about that? If I see Don again one day, will we both be blades of grass? Will some drunk father kill us with his lawnmower wheel? What will become of us? Nobody knows.

After months of talking to other young widowed friends on Facebook, most of whom had “felt” their late spouses presence in many ways since their death, I started to feel really sad because I haven’t had any experiences at all where I felt like Don is “with me” still. A good friend of mine had gone to see this Medium / Psychic / Healer several times, and she swore by the woman’s accuracy and realness. So, after over-analyzing it to death and panicking, because that’s what I do best, I finally made an appointment, or a “session” with this woman. It was for today, and it was a phone session. I was told by people to talk to my husband out loud before the session, to let him know that I need for him to come through for me. I have never felt like such a jackass in my entire life, but I took out our wedding picture, put on his wedding ring over mine, and started talking to him as if he were right here. I asked him to please help me believe that he is somehow still here with me. No, that doesn’t make any of the pain go away or make me miss him any less intensely, but at least I would have some confirmation that maybe I can still have some sort of different type of connection with my husband, forever. That at the very least, I would always have that.

When I picked up the phone to call her, I couldn’t stop shaking. I had a similar feeling the very first time I met Don in person, after we had been talking online for over a year. I thought my heart would literally fall out, and then the instant I saw him, it was as if I had known him my whole life. Something similar happened on this call. I was so nervous and the feeling of not having a clue how this works or what to expect started to overwhelm me. Then she introduced herself, explained a bit about what she does and how she “reaches” over to the other side and talks to spirits, then asked me a few mundane questions about the weather and things, just to start picking up on the energy through my voice. What happened next I will type below, pretty much word for word, or as much as I can remember. It is a dialogue like nothing I have ever experienced before, and I’m still a bit in shock over the whole thing, still processing it. I will type out the actual dialogue that occured, and then underneath certain exchanges, I will put my inner-monologue reaction to what she was saying to me in bold. Let me also just make clear that this woman knew absolutely nothing about me when this phone call began. The only thing she knew was my first name to make the appointment. She didnt know that my husband died, how old I was, how old he was, none of it. Here we go …

Her: Okay Kelley. Several people are starting to come through that all want to talk to you or are here for a reason. Im getting a father or a fatherly figure. But your dad – he is still alive, correct?

Me: Yes, he is alive.

Her: Is it your father-in-law? He is an older man, like 70’s or 80’s, and he is standing on a golf-course or near a golf-course.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! This was moment one where chills went up my spine. Don’s father lived on a golf-course, and had a heart-attack and died on a golf-course. How could she possibly know that?

Me: That must be my father in law then, but I never met him, and my husband and him were not close.

Her: That doesnt matter, that you’ve never met him. He is here to bring me to someone else who wants to talk to you. Sometimes when the loss is recent, the spirit doesnt know how to move in this world yet, so someone else “goes to get them” so they can speak with you and be reached.

Goes to GET THEM? How does that work exactly? “Don!!! Your wife’s on the phone from Earth! She wants to talk to you!” This is WILD!!!

Her: You lost someone recently, correct? Within the past year?

Me: Correct. Almost 10 months ago.

Her: It was sudden. It was traumatic. They died all of a sudden, very quickly. They werent sick or anything. Was it your husband?

Me: Yes.

Her: Okay. I have him here. His father is standing next to him. There is also a small woman, very fragile and frail looking, very tiny. She is also old and standing with him.

Me: That is his mother. She died a couple years ago.

Her: She is here with him. They are together.

Oh, he must LOOOVE that! She was a total pain in the ass his whole life and he ran away from her – now he is stuck with her for eternity!

Her: Okay there is someone else. It’s someone’s grandmother ..yours, correct? On your mom’s side of the family. Did she pass away?

Me: Yes. (I start crying. This is just so weird.)

Her: Its okay. She wants to tell you that she knows how hard this has been on you, losing him, and that she is sending you a big hug and food. She also says that she thought your husband was an amazing person and she really loved him.

Her: Okay there are some things your husband wants you to know. He says the reason you havent felt close to him is because he had a lot of trouble “crossing over” to the other side. His crossing over was peaceful, and it was quick, and there was no pain, but when he got here, he was confused, and he was just as shocked as you were that his life had ended. He felt lost on the other side. There were 3 angels that helped him, and one was his dad and mom. Im also getting a strong male figure, someone young, either a brother or a best friend maybe?

Me: He had a half-brother that died young. He didnt know him though.

Her: He knows him now. They were all Angels for him and helped him cross over. The sibling, the brother, also had a peaceful crossing. Your husband also wants you to know that he is so sorry there was no chance for you to say goodbye to each other, and he wants you to know how much he loved you and will always love you, and appreciated you, and was so grateful for you in his life. He is also saying that every single thing you did since his death , he approves of and he is happy with. He said he could not have ever done a better job himself. The way you have conducted yourself has been amazing. He is proud of you.

He is proud of me. He always used to tell me that. ALWAYS. To hear it again, even if its coming from a 3rd party, is just so beyond meaningful to me. Now I really cannot stop crying.

Her: You didnt have children together, but he says the reason for his death was heart related and it came from his dad’s side of the family, not his mom’s, and that his father’s father had it too, and if you had a son together, he would have also had it. He says it was just one of those things, and that you couldnt have done anything to save him. He wants you to stop blaming yourself. He said “cut it out. you gave me everything and I was happy. Im sorry if I didnt tell you that enough.” He really wants you to know how much he loved you. (pause) Now Im picking up on some pets around him too. Getting a very strong large cat vibe or small dog. Did you have pets together?

Me: Yes. A few. Two that died and two are here now with me.

Her: The ones there with you are sort of tiger-or-multi-colored right? A boy and a girl? And there are two girls here with him ….

Isabelle and Ginger. Sure, this woman could have googled me and then read my blog which pretty much tells the entire story in detail of Don and me and our life. Dont think I havent thought of that. I AM the greatest cynic alive. But the way she was saying all of this stuff, it really FELT like it was coming from a genuine place, and also felt like it was coming to her AS she was saying it. Plus, there were SO many tiny details that there is just no way she could have known. At this point in the conversation, Im a sobbing mess and just listening with wonder and in awe of this whole thing, quite frankly. It is a lot to process and take in. Some stranger is on the phone, whom I have NEVER met, and she is talking to my dead husband!!! WHAT???

Her: The female cat that is with you, she likes to sit in high places or meow or talk in high places? When she does that, he is near you. He hasnt been here long enough yet to know how to reach you and thats why you havent felt his presence a lot, but you will soon. But pay attention to your pets, because they have access we dont to the spirit world. (This is getting out of this world weird now. That is the EXACT same thing that Don said to me while lying in bed that night, about our pets having access to God and life beyond. AAAHHHH!!!!!!)Your other cat, the male one, he scratches some sort of case that belonged to your husband. An instrument or something. (WTF? How could anyone know this? This is SO random of a thing to know. Okay. This woman is clearly on a different plane and it’s scaring me. Everything that I thought I believed or didn’t believe is now being questioned with this one statement about a guitar case. And then my logical side kicks in, my inner-cynic, and I think: “Nah. There MUST be some explanation.”)

Me: Yes. He played guitar, and your’e talking about Sammy. I have one of Don’s guitars that I kept and it’s in the case against the wall in our bedroom. Sammy always goes up to it and tries to use it as a scratching post.

Her: He is doing that because he feels him nearby that case, cats are better at dogs at picking up energy forces. But your husband says to please make him stop doing that, he’s ruining the case. (Now Im laughing, because that is exactly something Don would say. He took SUCH good care of his things and was very particular about them being touched, moved, or fooled around with. This is INSANITY!)

Her: He is telling me that he feels badly that he couldnt leave you with anything when he died. He says that was just the way it was and that you didnt have much financially. The spirits can sense and see things that we cant, and he is telling me that you will not struggle for much longer, and you will be very successful. Are you a writer? Have you written plays?

Me: I wrote a short play after he died and performed it, and yes, Im a writer.

Her: He said that something you wrote or are writing will become a book, and that the book will be very successful for you. He also is saying something about you facilitating large groups of people. Something in your future that will be part of your success , it has to do with you either talking or lecturing or something in larger arenas, venues. Im seeing humor.

Me: Im a stand up comedian, is that what you’re seeing?

Her: It could be that, yes, but its going to be more than that. He is telling you to keep going, keep doing what you love, it is going to become something bigger. He sees lots of traveling and speaking or comedy engagements. He says you are just beginning to get recognized and that you will be known by many soon, and that these speaking engagements will be inspirational. Something inspirational and humorous. He is saying that he believes in you and he thinks you have amazing talent. He says you have the talent of a Gilda Radner or a Tina Fey. He said you are going to live to be an old lady and be known like Betty White. He said Betty White.

Trippy. Don loved Betty White like crazy, and I love Tina Fey like crazy, and he always compared me to Gilda or said I reminded him of her and her “unique” presence and talent that is like nobody else. It is so strange that she would choose those 3 people as examples when she really could have said just about anyone.

Her: Have you gained weight, or had weight issues? He is coming through saying to “please stop” with the hating yourself over your weight. He says you need to understand that you are so so beautiful inside and out, and stop beating yourself up. He says he knows you are so sad and you are grieving and will be for a long time, and he understands. He misses you too. But he wants you to keep doing what you love. He says he will do as much as he can to protect you and keep you safe. He is asking about the female in your life that has helped you. Is there a female recently that came to you or you came to her, who has helped you emotionally?

Me: I think you mean my grief counselor.

Her: She is either a friend or yes, a counselor or teacher. He brought you together. He wants you to know that he is taking care of you and still learning how to communicate with you, but he will always find ways to take care of you. He says this is why you trust her so much, because he brought her to you.

OH.MY.GOD. So it’s not my imagination that she seemed really “special” or like a gift in some way. That is also why I feel closer to him when I see her, because he chose her for me.

Her: Okay he is saying something about baseball and that he wants to watch the games. Put the games on, he says. He says for you to wear his shirt and go back to Yankee Stadium. He says for you to know that he is at peace and he is okay, and that you will be okay one day too. He says that you were the love of his life, and that he will never stop loving you or taking care of you. He also says he is glad you are leaving … Bon Jovi? Something about the band Bon Jovi and you finally leaving… does that mean anything to you?

Me: (laughing) Yes. He hated Bon Jovi, and he hated New Jersey, and hated everything New Jersey, which is where we lived and I live now. Bon Jovi is a private joke between us, because I would always call him and blast “Livin On a Prayer” whenever it came on, and he would say: “Are you done now?” and then hang up. I think he is saying he is happy Im finally leaving New Jersey and moving back to New York.

So that was my very first Medium experience. You might think I’m a lunatic or that I need to be put away for believing some of this stuff, but let me tell you, I didn’t believe ANY of it before today, or before my husband died. So please don’t judge me too harshly, for when you never get to see or talk to your husband ever again, you will do just about anything to be able to feel his presence, even for a half hour. I don’t know how to explain what happened today during that phone call. The things she said … the details … knowing nothing at all about my life and then being so accurate in that way. There was more to it, but I left some of it private, because a few things she said are too personal to share with the world. But after years of being so sure of myself in thinking that nothing at all happens after we die, I can tell you one thing I do know for sure, and that is this: I don’t know shit.

 

 

 

 

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29 thoughts on “My Husband Finally Spoke To Me. He said: “Leave Bon Jovi.”

  1. Wow Kelley…that is incredible! I have done psychic readings before and I was skeptical the first time but one particular reading touched me so deeply that it made me believe. I am so glad that this was such an awesome experience for you!

  2. Wow, this is amazing.. I’m so glad that you had that session.. They are very good.. My husband that died good read like crazy he knew my mom was going to die and she did from exactly what he said..

  3. You are an inspiration Kelley, keep going with all you are doing. So many of us, more than you can imagine, are pulling for you to be happy, successful and at peace. You deserve it. God Bless.

  4. Kelley, that was amazing!!! I cried my eyes out. Am so happy that you got “through” (or whatever)!!!

  5. I can relate to your experience with a medium…i too remember that first reading and the crazy stuff that came through…private stuff. I hope it helps you in your grief Kelley, I really do. Bless our husbands for coming through for us

  6. I am so happy you did this Kelley! What an amazing, validating experience… I’m so moved by this and so grateful that you were able to make that connection – and that you’re leaving New Jersey… seriously, everyone should leave New Jersey 😉

  7. I am a science girl geek to the heart and as such KNOW we don’t know all the answers. I truly believe that people have a gift – it certainly sounds like she does. I hope that it helped you – I can’t begin to describe how moved I was as I’m still wiping the years from my face.

  8. So happy you did this. I’ve been following your blog since shortly after your husband’s death (I don’t know what led me there)* but I’m glad I did. Your sorrow has crushed me and yet I could not stop checking in to see what else you had written. I think I needed to hear this message nearly as much as you. It’s beautiful; it’s all beautiful. I send much happiness your way.

    *I guess it was fate or just one of those inexplicable things in life.

  9. Beautiful Kelley. I’m so glad you got something that helped you like this. I am so glad that she was able to connect to Don, because those little things, those strange intimate parts of your relationship that seem so tiny and insignificant that you don’t really share with people…those are the things that match up and feel so real…and those are the things that really gave you the feeling that here he was. I love how you embrace things fully.

  10. I totally believe it. I had a “reading” done once as well, and it was just as specific and detailed as your experience. I hope it brought you some comfort and closeness to Don. Thanks for sharing!!!!

  11. Wow! That was incredibly powerful. I’m glad he was able to come through so strongly. As always, thank you for sharing your innermost feelings with us. You truly are a great writer and I believe him when he says your time is coming.

    p.s. I’m glad you’re leaving Bon Jovi too!!! :)

  12. Hi Kelley,
    I’m best friends with Jenny Billot. She has told me about you recently. I just want to say that I LOVE your story about your medium experience. It really does touch my heart! I’m a believer in mediums and spirits and “the other side”. It is absolutely heart-warming to me to hear stories like this – the fact that you were unsure about this and were finally able to receive comfort, closure and peace.
    I’m very sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I am very happy, though, that you were able to have this experience of speaking to a medium and speaking to your husband once more.
    I find it very re-assuring and comforting that we can speak to our loved ones on the other side and that we know for sure that they are watching over us and can protect us.

    Best wishes,
    Lindsay

  13. What an awesome experience Kelley! Wow! How freaky is that? How much could she have known with only your first name and phone number? Someday I may want her number too!

  14. Kel, Talk about crying. Wow. He is ok! I nearly dropped and I’m already sitting on the floor as I read this…at first I was like – completely shocked – that you even spoke to a medium…like you wrote, you would laugh or think someone was off their rocker last year lol. So to know that this affected you so much is, at least for me, more powerful than someone who truly believed in life beyond…energy…whatever it is…
    I’m 100% believer in something more, and have so many crazy stories to prove it…I am so happy that this happened and you talked to her. And the grief counselor? The cat? Oh my goodness. He is proud of you and is seeing what you are doing. He’s your biggest fan…he will always be your biggest fan. Let me know when you want to go to a game.
    Love you so much. xoxo

  15. You really are an amazing writer. You need to get this blog published!! I think that all of us, who have lost someone will be comforted by your experience. That was so captivating.
    I sobbed all over my keyboard. xoxox I’m so glad you got to speak to Don again. I would love to know who that psychic was too!! She sounds like the real deal.

  16. Wow thank you so much for sharing this very personal and inspirational experience. You have an incredible talent and delicious sense of humor, depth and way of relating that everyone wants to see you keep doing what you do beat and just be you. How incredible this all is I’m crying and laughing as I read your blog. I think this medium
    is the real deal and the details that she said about your pets and the guitar case and describing thw physical appearances of everyone including the pets… is incredible. Your story kind of reminds me of “Ghost” without Willie lopez
    and the creepy best friend but the love story is there. I really loved what you said about Energy. The love you and Don still have is something you just don’t hear about or believe in but how incredible and powerful that love is and always will be. What the medium was saying about Don being confused and learning how to communicate is like something put of a movie even that your living
    kitty meows at the ceiling and the medium knew that!?! I hope you get to communicate with him again and that you can feel him with you. You and Don are very special people and I believe because u loved each other and still do he will be your angel guiding you to a greatness that will be recognized by an audience larger than you ever imagined. I am so inspired and proud of you.

    xoxo

  17. Dammit, you made me tear up. Bitch. Just kidding, of course. Kind of. I have to go piss on the seat now to redeem my manhood.

    Thanks for making me laugh with your twitter, YouTube videos, and blog. You’re amazing when you’re not being a bitch and making me weep like Glenn Beck at a Mormon mass baptism for holocaust victims.

    Much love,

    Perry

  18. Wow I too am skeptical about stuff like that and communicating with the other side but after reading your blog I think it’s real!! Not all people have the talent to do what that lady did and it sounds like you came across a real one. I am wondering was it pricy to talk to her? I am curious to talk to my mom and grandma….but I dont know….I will probably be crying the whole time lol. Thanks for sharing this Kelley! Are you going to talk to Don again?!

  19. I cried while reading this. In the middle of Dunkin Donuts. I’ve never been one to believe in mediums either, especially after watching an episode of Bullshit on the topic. But since my husband died, I find myself willing to believe in anything that will let me talk to him. I just want to talk to him. Anyway, I cried because it made me think of all the things that deep down, I think he would say to me, things the guilt that consumes me usually doesn’t usually let me consider.

  20. Love! Your writing is just spectacular. <3
    She sounds like someone I'd like to add to my roster- hook me up with her number yo! Xoxo

  21. She comforted you when you needed it most. That counts for so much. However I must point something out to you and your followers. You gave her too much information and acknowledgement. She might be the real deal but she had an easy read with you. If you decide to use a psychic again, do it on your own anonymously, not even your phone number. Let him or her talk without feedback. A true psychic does not need input or help. He can’t wait to impart messages given, its like a flood coming at him. Even good psychics eventually burn out and fake it, especially when they have to earn a living from readings.

  22. Where would we be able to get this phone number for the Medium?….
    I just came across your page yesterday and I have read several posts…. My Grandpa passed away March 4th 2016…. We brought him to the hosp the day before because he was having troubles breathing (72 yrs)…. The Dr. said the C word…. Cancer, things starting moving way to fast — we were waiting for a bed @ a great hosp in Toronto Canada… The morning of the 4th he was air lifted at 1PM …. around 3PM he went into cardiac arrest, the cancer was attacking him & by 4:20PM we lost him ….. for my grandmother it has been very hard. Her strength amazes me and there is so many things in your blog that I know she is feeling too…. Please if any way possible to send me this number I will be forever grateful…. My name is Lauren – my email is lauren.julianna22@gmail.com thanking you in advance!

  23. My husband had some experience with, shall we say, “alternative spirituality.” His view of mediums was that he was very skeptical of people who would leave themselves open like that. He would say that “There is a lot of stuff out there, and not all of it is friendly.” I do believe that there are many planes of existence. Christians call them heaven and hell, but I think they are beyond our ability to understand. I do know that almost every widow I know has experienced at least one “visitation” of some sort, that you need to be open to it.

    Now the skeptic in me says that it isn’t so much that we are open to it as that the openness is need, and our minds create it. I’m not sure how that explains things like a strong smell of cigarettes in my house when I don’t smoke and no one outside was smoking, or how that became a strong smell of pot when I said “You’d think you could find a way to let me know you’re here that wouldn’t piss me off” (he had bladder cancer, of which smoking is a cause). Yes, pot…which he smoked every day and no, I don’t, and there was no smell outside either.

    I have thought of contacting a medium just for giggles, but given how he was about mediums, it would be an unwelcome visitor for him and I don’t want to do that to him.

    The thing about mediums is that there are people who really do have their perceptions ticked up a notch, and people who simply know how to draw out information. If you made an appointment by name, and this medium read your blog, she could find out an awful lot about you.

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