Tell Me

Tell me.
If I stare at your picture long enough, will it bring you back to life?
If I sit in place and beg real hard, can I still be your wife?
Im packing you up with tape and pain. I dont want to go. I feel insane.
My head is shouting. I dont know why. I think Ive forgotten when to cry.
Dont want to move forward. Cant stand to look back.
Just leave me on the railroad track.
People keep pushing. They get in my way.
I dream that you’re here. But you never stay.
Everything feels so far away.
Its Sunday. Its Thursday. Means nothing to me.
Time is an asshole. I’ll never be free.
I slide your Ashes through my hand.
Noone could ever understand.
I sit in your chair. Grip you tight.
Trying like hell to feel the light.
Nothing I do will make it right.
Tell me.
How do you hold a ghost in your bed?
Forever alive. Except you are dead.
When will I learn to live in this space?
No longer able to see your face.
I wish I could hide. I wish I could run.
I’m tired of looking into the sun.
I’m wounded. I’m broke. I’m made of glass.
I feel like I’m falling. Strong my ass.
I talk to myself and think that it’s you.
The lunatic widow inside of the zoo.
Hurting and limping. Pretending its fine.
When will my laugh ever be mine?
 Tell me.
How many years is this going to last?
When does our future become our past?
Missing my marriage. Missing my love.
Don’t want a soul or an Angel above.
There are no signs in the wings of a dove.
So Tell me.
Just tell me.
Please tell me how you are here, then gone.
Tell me the words to this horrible song.
Tell me the nurses and doctors were wrong.
Tell me our lives weren’t torn apart.
Tell me you never collapsed from your heart.
Please tell me how Im supposed to start.
I want you to tell me that this isn’t real.
I need you to kiss me. I want you to feel.
I hate that you got the raw end of the deal.
So leave me by the railroad track.
Id give up my life so you can come back.
This really all ends with a heart attack? 
Please fucking tell me how to go on.
Im tired and hopeless and life feels so long.
What are the words to this horrible song?
Because you died, I’ve been dead all along.
Why should I care, when my love is gone?
Tell me.



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6 thoughts on “Tell Me

  1. Wow, very impressed. Great writing. I think it about says it all. I hope writing it was good therapy for you. Now tell me, how in HELL are we supposed to read these verification things at the bottom of this page?? I never get it right. are we REALLY supposed to be able to read that crap?? LOL

  2. Your words always touch me. There is a beauty gray and bleak in your words.
    So much of it is how I think and feel. I am learning though not to say it. People stop dealing with you-if you cry or talk about it. I keep trying to figure out what my purpose in life is now. I am sure it cannot be this heartwrenching, soul sucking pain.

  3. OK. After I finished crying, this is so wonderful. My husband died of cancer last year, but this is exactly how I feel. Ironically, I am also packing up and moving. You are a great help to get me thru these horrible times. Love ya, Kelley!!!

  4. This is beautiful, Kelley. I’m glad that you are able to help others who are going through the same pain as you. Please never stop expressing yourself and I promise to never stop listening.

  5. Hey chickie….This was probably one of my favorite posts of yours…aside from the one where you left the house without pants but it’s a close second :)

    Hugs to you and I hope you don’t mind by We (Destiny, Jamie & I) Nominated you for a Liebster Award. I will be honest I am not sure if there is an actual award or if it is one of those ones that you just get when you get nominated but nonetheless we nominated you :) Check out the post here.

    Hugs to you!

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