A Slow Climb …

Ever since losing my husband to sudden and unexpected death, good and unexpected things seem to happen for me on Mondays. I have absolutely no idea why. It started when I chose Mondays as the day to go see my grief-counselor, and it seemed to spiral from there. If I get good news of some kind, or have a realization during one of our sessions, or something amazing and great that I didn’t see happening, happens – it is usually on a Monday. My husband died on a Wednesday. Maybe the universe is buttering me up with lovely things on Mondays, so that it will somehow lessen the blow of horrific death and trauma that Wednesday mornings can sometimes still bring me. Who the hell knows. I just know that I love Mondays.

Today is no exception. Over the weekend, I entered a Writing Contest created by the wonderful magazine Authors Publish, the publication whose mission is to help, encourage, and inspire writers who want to get published. It is a great magazine, and they were holding a contest on their Facebook page, for writers. In about 50 words, those entering were asked to post when or how they knew they wanted to be a writer. The post/comment that received the most number of “LIKES” would be the winner, which was announced this morning. The winner gets their blog promoted/featured both on Authors Publish Magazine Facebook page, (which has 49,000 followers) and their online magazine (35,000 subscribers). I saw this contest, and since it seemed easy enough to enter, I did so on a whim. I never win stuff like this, so I didnt think much of it. And then, all of my wonderful friends and online supporters came through for me, and “liked” my comment, and put me in the lead for “likes” on the thread. However, since I am such a cynical person, I still didnt believe I would ACTUALLY “win” anything. I figured there MUST be some sort of loophole or something, that would render the entire thing useless and pointless and I would end up feeling like a huge jackass for even trying. And then, today, I saw this on their Facebook page:

I WON!!!! My comment got the most LIKES, and I actually won something!!! So if you are here at my blog for the first time due to this win and because you decided to check it out – Thank You!!! And also – welcome to my blog, and welcome to my world. I truly hope that you decide to take off your jacket and stay awhile.

Here is what I wrote for the answer to the question of “When did you know you wanted to be a writer?”:

For me, writing has always felt more natural than breathing. Then, on July 13, 2011, my world collapsed when my 46 year old husband of 4 years, had a sudden heart-attack and died. That night, I ran to my computer and started typing furiously. What began as his Eulogy turned into a blog, which morphed into a book, which will be released and self-published this November. Writing my pain and saying the truth about death, has been the catalyst for me wanting to begin to live again.”

Writing and comedy have saved my life and my soul over these past two and a half years. I really do believe that. There have been so many days when I just didn’t see any point in getting out of bed, or where I couldn’t figure out one reason on earth why I should continue to bother. What was the point, when the person I loved most in this world, was gone and dead forever and ever? During those times, having those dark thoughts – I would start instinctively writing down exactly what I was feeling, with absolutely no filter or censorship. Just total, 100% brutal honesty. After awhile, people began writing back to me. People started telling me how much my writing meant to them, or thanking me for saying the things they wanted to say but couldn’t find the words. I began to see how powerful and how emotional and connecting words can be. I began writing weekly for the Soaring Spirits blog “Widow’s Voice”, http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com, and also as the Humor Columnist at “Modern Widows Club Magazine”. www.modernwidowsclub.com. What started out as me writing my emotions down so I wouldn’t lose my mind, turned into something so much bigger and so much more important. It turned into the reason I am here. I think that the book I am now writing about grief and about our love story, will not be the end, but just the beginning. The beginning of more things to come, and more reasons to keep working on this whole “life” thing.

Here’s looking at next Monday …

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2 thoughts on “A Slow Climb …

  1. So happy to see this, and I knew you’d get a break eventually. You’ve spent these last 2 1/2 years helping so many people, and while you didn’t realize it initially, healing yourself. Most deaths actually occur on Mondays, (obviously due to work stress) but somehow you’ve turned your Mondays around. So, so happy for you!! Keep plugging!! And my jacket has been off since day one. I’m not going anywhere.

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