People on social media are always passing around these stories about very old, married couples, who die within days of one another, at the age of 92 or something, because they simply could not live without the other person for one more second. “Isn’t that so beautiful?”, they ooohhh and aaahhhh. “She died, and then he couldn’t bear to be without her for even 48 hours, so he died too. It’s so sweet!” And yes, it is sweet.
However, why do people go all wacky for these stories about people they don’t even know, yet whenever I express how difficult it is to live my life without my husband on this earth with me; or say that, yes, I still miss him and love him and always will, and that I will move forward but never move “on”, and I will carry him in my heart and find ways to honor him because he is a part of me forever – some people get all uncomfortable and creeped out. Really? So if you’re 90 years old and about to die, then it’s sweet and wonderful and amazing. But if the love of your life is taken from you by sudden death when you are 39 and in the beginning years of your marriage, somehow it is strange that you would still be in love with this person who you were planning on spending your life with??? No. I’m sorry. I don’t buy it.
I am getting really tired of being constantly judged by people who have absolutely no clue what it is to lose your partner – no idea of the road I travel. Earlier today, some coward posted an anonymous comment on my comedy You Tube channel, calling me “sad” and “pathetic” because I’m “in love with someone who isn’t even alive anymore” and “still haven’t moved on from this.” They wrote, among other things, that it is really “unfortunate” what happened to me, but that “we all have problems” and I am “making this the focal point” of my life. They also said that they found it “tacky” that I would “use my husband’s death” to write a book and to “get material for comedy sets.” Yeah. It’s a damn good thing he died. Now I finally have some good jokes! Is this idiot serious?
Here is the best part: this person, who wrote these vile and nasty and off-base comments, claimed to be “a friend” who is “just looking out for me and concerned, and posting anonymously so you won’t be upset with me.” Right. Because why on earth would I ever be upset that someone would accuse me of using my husband’s death for some sort of – I don’t even know – gain? Honestly, it hurts and stabs my heart just to type that thought. This person’s comments on my page left me a bit shaky, and completely speechless. I just don’t get it. I truly don’t. I don’t get how a person can be so judgmental of a path they have never walked. I don’t understand why someone would go out of their way to write this to me – to hurt me on purpose that way. Why? What is the point?
The thing that baffles me the most, though, is how anyone can find the idea of loving someone until forever, to be sad and pathetic. I will love my husband forever. And if there is such a thing as longer than forever, I will love him then too. I will also do my best to create a life for myself and to live that life – a life that has been severely altered and changed by his death. The fact that I will love my husband beyond the end of time – is not sad. It is goddamn beautiful. It is beautiful to take something as horrible and painful as a death, and with it, carve out pieces of comedy and joy and raw truth and life and hope. I mean – truly – what is more meaningful and beautiful than that?
Tell me; should I leave my husband and our love and the life we had on a dusty shelf somewhere, pretending it never existed, because that makes YOU more comfortable? No. That is not happening. I choose to take the love with me. The person has died, yes. Our love will not die. Not ever. I get to carry the love with me. All of it. It is mine and it lives forever, echoing in each breathe. And when I die too – even when I die – the love that I have for my husband and the love that he has for me – will live on, even then. With love, there is no death. Only more love.